V.V

When I arrived here in Dubai, I don't really have any idea of what my life will be. I just have faith. Let me tell you that when I went here, I was on VV. Well, visit visa. How it works? You will be given at least 30 days to find a work so you can earn your employment visa and be legal working in this country. Time pressure, seems like the clock is always ticking that you need to mark out your calendar to count how many days left before it expire. Some were lucky to easily find a job, some were not. I belong to the lucky ones. Not that I am trying to be boastful about it. I can say, I worked hard just to get a job. I was sitting in front of the computer the entire day wondering which site I can visit to submit my CV. There's quite a number of websites where you can attach your CV but only few will call you for an interview. That was based on my experience. I submitted my CV for like 2o0 different companies a day and did not receive any call. I roamed around different places, got lost, made a mistake in riding the Metro and simply wandering around. On my first week, it was damn difficult. I searched every web and called each number just to arrange an interview but most of them were quite full or if not already hired someone. And I never lose hope. I kept on checking various sites everyday. Take note, my clothes were still on my bag. No time to arrange it. I was fully concentrated to have a job. I asked some of the friends I have here. My cousin uses her connections. Inquire other Filipinos working here. I was fortunate the luck is at my side. My cousin's friend referred me to the comapny where she's working. The name of the company is Ahdab International Luxury Transport. The business evolves around renting cars and chauffeur service. I got the job. I was hired. The feeling is so unexplainable. Not really fulfiiled but somehow okay. Nothing comes easy. I still have days where I find it hard to understand everything. Hey, I don't know about cars. As the day passes by, I am getting used to it. I am learning. Till I was appointed as a desk supervisor at Grand Hyatt Hotel. What a privilege working inside a five-star hotel. And my journey continues. 

Unexplainable Hug

I had this weird feeling when I left Pinas. Kasi naman nung magpapaalam na ko sa mga friends ko, I hugged them one by one. Like the rest of them, I made beso din with everyone. But the thing is, I felt something different kaya naman kahit nasa plane na ko tI was thinking about it. I am experiencing atelophobia again, short for overthinking or overanalyzing stuff. Kaya ko nasabi yan kasi lahat ng hi-nug ko everything was normal. But one person made it different. When I hugged and made beso with him, he pushed me. Yung tipong gusto ka nyang yakapin ng mahigpit kaso baka nahiya lang sya. Nung niyakap ko sya I felt like he don't wanna let go. I felt something that time. Sadness. Cause I know he's sad knowing that we will not see each other anymore. Tama lang talaga na tawagin ko syang Mr. Hug. What I don't understand is that pinipigilan pa nya. Maybe he was scared. But I'm happy because everyday were communicating. He never failed to send a message. He always make an effort para kamustahin ako. And for that, I feel so very importany. It's just that I don't know hanggang kelan. Sana lang hindi sya mapagod. Hindi sya magsawa. For now, mag-enjoy nalang muna siguro ako and be thankful kasi andyan pa din sya despite of the distance. :)

Hello Dubai!

Dati sabi ko hindi ako magwo-work sa ibang bansa. If pupunta man ako that is because I simply would like to travel. Pero hindi ganun ang nangyari, I went here to work. Better opportunities, good compensation and aiming for an improve life. Well, here I am. I live in Al Khail, one of the good place here in Dubai. I am with my cousin. Ang laki ng pasasalamat ko sa kanya kasi without her effort fixing my papers, I may not be here. It's been my two weeks now. Naaalala ko palang, April 26, 2014, that was my flight details. Mixed emotions. Hindi ko talaga ma-describe ang feeling. Sadness will always gonna be there. The night before my flight, I slept with my Mama and Papa. And now, I am missing them so much. Hirap pala ng mawalay. Were like thousand miles away. Thanks to FB and my cellphone dahil kahit paano may communication kami. Pero iba pa din syempre pag kasama mo cla. :( Sobrang na-touch din ako sa ginawa ng mga friends ko and even my supervisors. They went to my place early in the mornng which was exactly the same day of my flight para mag-bonding kami for the last time. After their shift kahit walang tulog, bumyahe sila papuntang Bulacan. Ang layo kaya. Last breakfast namin yun. Pati si Sup Demi at Sup Anne nagpunta din. Nakakataba ng puso ang effort nila. Malalamanmo talaga sa ganitong pagkakataon ang mga taong tinuringkang tunay na kaibigan. Kaya naman nagpapasalamat din ako andyan sila para sa akin. Kumpleto ang barkada. Hindi ko talaga makalimutan yun. Sila Mama at Papa syempre hirap din ang kalooban pero kailanganko magpakatatag para sa kanila. Ang paalaamanan na part talaga ang pinakamahirap. Buti nalang I'm strong. Hanggang sa airport hinatid nila ako. Wehad lunch at Wendy's, took pictures and more kwentuhan. Till the time na magbo-board na ko. Andun pa din sila. Ang hirap ng time na yun. Parang ayoko ng umalis. Nakangiti lang ako pero ang totoo gusto ko ng umiyak. Lalona nung kailangan ko din magpaalam sa kanila. Isa-isa ko silang ni-hug at bineso. Grabe. Hindi ko talaga ma-explain pakiramdam ko that time. Worst feeling ever. Then nag-board na kami. Baggage check and immigration process, lahat naging okay. Sign talaga n ituloy ko lahat ito. Hanggang nakasakayna ko sa eroplane. 40F ang seat ko, malayo kina ate pero okay lang komportable naman ako. 9 hours ang travel, kinaya ko. Idlip, kain at magbasa ng book ang ginawa ko. Hanggang hindi ko namalayan na nasa Dubai na ako. Ate Bhelle picked us up. Papunta sa house nila, I saw Burj Khalifa. It was beautiful. I am impressed on how it was done. Then sa mha sumunod na araw, more on Skype lang. Kahit paano nababawasan pagka-miss ko sa kanila. Now, I'm busy with my new work. Hopefully magtuloy-tuloy na. I am going take care whatever I have right now to make my stay here worth it.

Mr. Q!

Jensen and I had our mini-despedida last Saturday. And I don’t know but I feel like I am confused now. Minus the party, Mr. Q and I had this conversation while everyone’s drinking and singing. We had this moment wherein I felt like when everyone’s busy we had this wall that blocked us from getting distracted.  We had a long good talk. It’s about how’s going on with our life, our families, work and the status of our love life. Okay, we talked most about our love life. He knew from the very beginning who’s the guy I’m dying to be with. But let me correct myself now as I corrected him, I’m referring to my past, the “was” thing. I am not going to mention his name cause you knew him so well. We talked about my struggles and why after two years I did not even get a notch higher, I am stuck to the same level I had with this guy for so long. And I told him I’m tired already. I can’t afford to wait and so I moved on. At first he didn’t believe but mind you I did. I moved on, for the better. Yeah, you normally see us together almost every day like were a couple just like what everybody thought of but hey were just friends. We may act more than friends but nothing intimate. I still care for him but not like before. Feelings change and so people do. I’m that person now. I realized hoping for this guy will not do me any good and that there’s someone out there deserving of my feelings.  Then during the conversation Jensen told me that I have to take a risk because I still lack the experience and that I’m scared to get hurt. You’re right dude. I’m still afraid up until now to get out of my comfort zone because honestly I’ve been hurt in the past and I don’t want to happen it again. But I’m not closing doors. And as our conversation continues, I realized were jumping out of different complicated topics. But then I am still not afraid sharing that stuff for I trust you a lot. You talked about Pat, how you see her and how your love story started. The arguments you had with her and your difficulties as a couple. From that time, I felt so proud of you cause you’ve been man enough to face everything without a single hesitation. Maybe others don’t see you in that way but mind you, I do. I think we had this thing that despite our imperfections, stupidity and fears, we don’t blame each other. We just accept and listen. You never scolded me for my mistakes especially the things I did with this guy you know that for you is kinda innocent and inappropriate. You told me the things I lacked of. You told me to do this and do that but deep inside, I don’t know how.  You made me realized what will be the consequences of my actions and now I’m getting the hang of it.  In return, l advised you to be a good guy which I know you are already. I know you will not keep secrets from me. And the same thing goes for me. I just love the conversation we had that time. It made me feel like I had a real friend in you. It’s not that some of my friends do that, I’m just being honest whenever we had this conversation. I don’t normally talked like that when I’m with my other friends cause they still look at me like I’m still their superior when all I want is just to be treated fairly. My OIC days already ended so I hate them when they treated me with so much respect. That sucks. I just want to be equal. And that’s what you showed to me.  I’m going to miss those conversation a lot. When I reached home, I’m still thinking of our conversation.  And what it is that confused me is that when you told me even though you’re with Pat you still don’t see her as your future wife, how could that be possible? You never gave me an explanation. And that you also told me you’ve been fighting temptation for the longest time and you’re surviving, I am proud of you because of that. You’re a good man, always remember that. And what confused me a lot until now is that I when we talked about my ideal guy I am not referring to the guy you’ve known I’m closed with. I am referring to someone else. And I was thinking why I am describing another person wherein fact for the longest time I’ve been in-love with the guy you knew. Then it hit me. I think I am describing you. What the f***? I don’t know what’s happening that time. The way you look at me I was like, “I know you’re drunk but please don’t stare at me that way. This is wrong”. My mind still working that time but I don’t know where this sudden burst of feelings came from. I felt like I am shortly infatuated. This bothered me the entire weekend. I was pushing Nov but reality I’m feeling something. When you told me that this guy and I will look good together and you said a lot of good words about him, I was thinking like why the hell you keep talking about him. If you still remember I told you then, “If this guy will approach me now I’ll tell him I no longer have feelings for him but if some other guy will pay attention I might actually grab it. That time, it’s not him anymore, it’s you. Oh gosh this is so embarrassing. I did wait how you will respond. And you did, you said something like if Pat and I don’t have a thing and then you did not continue. Maybe I gave meaning to it. Okay, I gave a meaning. And I am so sorry. Cause I really find you different compared to the guy I waited for how many years and then up until now nothing happened. I know we had a connection but I think it’s too late to fall for you. I know my place and this is all wrong. But I’m sure I’ll forget this. I just need a diversion. I can’t help but compare you to him. I wish he act and think like how you do. But he never will. Swear. Anyways, am I having a confession now? I guess. But don’t mind it. I wrote this because I want you to be on my blog, don’t worry it’s a private blog. I don’t normally put people in my blog without a certain reason and I welcome you. Sorry for being weird. But I was really hoping that I’ll see you before I leave though it may be impossible. It’s not him anymore, it’s you—an embarrassing statement. Just ignore it. I might do the same thing. J

Despedida!

And the countdown starts now. I just had my despedida last Saturday. Well, Jensen and I celebrated our last day at Aegis. What a coincidence that two of the coolest people from Team Kargador was about to leave to take a new path and take their careers to the next level. I’m happy for Jensen cause he can focus now with his family especially that he has a newborn baby girl. He’ll be a good father I know for sure. We’ve known each other for a quite a while and he’s the only guy I can have good real conversation. I am being me whenever I talk to him and the same goes for him. I am leaving in 5 days. I am going to Dubai with my Ate, hoping that I can get a good job there. It’s time for me to explore and be in control of myself and show what I am capable of doing in terms of my life and work. It was kinda sad.  I am going to miss everyone especially my friends. They’re happy for me and I guess that’s enough for me to know. I am also scared cause I am miles away from everyone and the only thing I can rely of is none other than myself. But I am on the positive side of things now. Trying to eliminate the fears. The despedida party we had was a blast. It was damn crazy. Were all wasted. Thanks to Red Horse Stallion, your 6.8% alcohol content kicked us out and almost made everyone drunk. Head spinning, palpitations, vomiting and we almost can’t walk. That’s the effect of too much alcohol. But still, I love the idea that we all did this. I am very happy. Indeed, true friends will not let you do stupid things alone. I’m still an average drinker so far. My alcohol tolerance is high but last Saturday, I kinda feel tipsy and dizzy.  Videoke time is always the best time. I don’t care if I am out of tune or what, I just love to sing that time and I don’t mind if they like it or not. I drink fast too. And I easily get sober. Dancing was never my forte. But I did try. I swayed, moved my hands and hips and stomped my feet—I guess I don’t look bad that time. A beginner I can say. I had this good conversation with Jensen.  When he was on my team, we do this a lot. He’s the one guy whom I can say anything. I’m always honest with him cause he understands me. He’s a real man for he pays respect to my opinions and tell me if I’m doing things right or I need to change or I’m stupid. We just love talking about our life. And I’m sure I am going to miss it so much. Now I believe that there’s really this one person whom you will never feel so tired and afraid expressing your thoughts, whatever it is whether good or bad and even disappointing.  Though we don’t really talk every day, I feel like we’ve really known each other for such a long time. Oh, I feel blessed. Yesterday was really memorable. It’ll take time before it happen again. All I can say is that I’m having the best time of my life now. 

A's Leaving

Finally, it's confirmed. I'm leaving on the 26th of April. I'm going to Dubai. Supposedly this should happen last year but for special circumstances it was re-scheduled this year. I don't know if I'm prepare. I guess. Well, I should be cause I'm doing this for my family. I'm scared cause I'm going to be miles away from my family and friends but I'm hoping and praying that I'll get use to it. I'll tender my resignation tomorrow. It's kinda sad leaving my company whose been my home for 3 years but better opportunities is on my way now so I have to grab it for it only comes once in a lifetime. I'm counting the days now. Time flies so fast. Soon I'm boarding. 

Breakthrough

I am wondering after reading the book “The Fault In Our Star” yesterday, I am having a breakthrough. This is for real. I guess because of the fact that it made me realize that time is precious. Time is limited. That I only have one life to live. So after that, there were so many things floating in my mind. Almost everything about my life, my work, family and friends. I've been through a lot in the past and I think this is the time to fix my life. Well, I am not a trash and I’m blessed with all the good things happening to me. What I mean is that I need to turn my timetable in a different direction. Something that will not just benefit myself but my loved ones. That book woke me up through the realities of life. I had a blast. Now all my thoughts are packed up waiting to explode. First thing in mind now, arrange my travel to Dubai and make sure it will go smoothly and that I’ll get a good job there. Take note, I just finish editing my CV earlier. I make sure it looks good and honest. Hey, I counted in my hands that I’ve been in the BPO business for almost eight years. I had no regrets about it but it’s about time I find my craft. My first plan when I reach Dubai—find a decent work with a good pay and save. This is all about saving for my future. What else? I am still doing good now in my current work—or should I say excellent. I am still meeting the company’s expectations. But I’ve stayed enough. I have to give it up for the better. I've learned so much, made a lot of friends, got my heart broken, earned averagely and it molded me of who I am now in terms of my knowledge in the BPO industry. But it has to end in a positive mark. And it’ll happen soon. I can say I’m ready to face a new chapter of my life. Then goes my concern for my family. My parents getting older and I have to take full responsibility of them. It’s payback time. I have to give them what they deserve and let them enjoy life in all possible ways. I love them so much that I can’t take seeing them suffering. I've been dumb in my decisions from the past. I've been so numb without recognizing that the clock is ticking and I have to move fast in order to achieve what I want to get. And lastly, my life. I still don’t know what I want in my life but I’m sure I’ll discover it. I hope Dubai lead me the way. I have my full faith on it. I am going to give my best for this one. I’ll sacrifice everything. I don’t care if I’m still single by the time I reach 30. My goal now is to make the most out of it. I wasted so much time being scared of finding what I want and and now no one can stop me. I am not going to put myself inside a box lacking options and merely staring at the four corners of it. I will be free and I will open my arms to new opportunities. I will not let fear conquered my dreams. You know what, I feel brave writing this. I don’t know why. I feel so determined and passionate. I’ll set aside my heart—for real again cause it always get in the way. I’ll have my brains work for me now. Somehow I knew I can do this with God’s guidance. And this starts today. My breakthrough moment will begin.