What Does It Mean to Be In-Love?

(This article has been taken on the HelloGiggles.com website wrote by Sarah Bates.)

It is to truly see someone, inside. Their beautiful soul. It is a rare and precious knowledge, and for you to be given the gift of this sight means you contain the right ingredients in your own soul. Often we feel such powerful emotions for another that we believe we are in love, but in reality we are viewing the person through a tainted lens – one that is obscured by the traumas of the past, and therefore we are unable to see things properly. We will grab toward the idea of loving that person, struggling to solidify our happiness together, but eventually look down to find our palms empty, again and again. To find our mates, first we must be ready, ourselves. And the growth we require can only be got with experiences that give us personal insight. The hard lessons we learn when we confront our truths. By putting ourselves out there and trying to love others, we learn of misperceptions and collect the missing pieces of ourselves: what we want, who we are, and who we are not. Through this honesty and acceptance of our truth, we grow better at seeing what rewards us in others. And in our attempts to find our match, we grow into our more authentic self.

To love another you must take in all of them: the depth and contrast that defines them. Their fabric, but more importantly, who they chose to become based on their experiences. Love comes from accurate sight, and a person’s true beauty comes from all of them: the darkness and the light. If you only focus on the light exterior, you are missing half of the truth. When you recognize great value inside the heart of another, it’s like hearing a singular mating call aimed just at you. You are recognizing the finite elements that you know to be of value to your own heart. This is a powerful knowledge to have for many reasons, the best being its ability to inspire more growth inside you. Being in love unlocks energy and a thirst for better because you want to give of yourself. It is the greatest gift you have to give. You become driven to show this person how you feel in any way possible: with affection, support, attention, being of service and giving your time. It is both selfless and rewarding in that you are fulfilled by acts of kindness that bring them happiness. Which in turn, makes you feel like a wonderful person.

Love enlightens your understanding of the world around you. You gain a special awareness and vision of what would normally go unnoticed: the beauty in others, in nature, and the immense value of what it means to be alive. Your emotional understanding of humanity grows much greater because you see things as more than just yourself, alone. You see things as you plus this new wondrous insight, this other, this one you love. This heightened awareness also provides, much like a magical elixir, strength and energy beyond what you could access alone. You gain a new set of heightened senses: you smell, hear, taste more beauty. It gives you relief from pain. It unlocks chambers of your compassion and benevolence. It gives you a greater connection to humanity at large.

When you are not in love, it will feel never fully yours. It can feel heavy and daunting. Or desperate and scary, almost like it is about to be stolen. Or just out of reach – you want and want but are never fulfilled. What this means is something is getting in the way of your readiness and ability to love. You need to do some work on yourself and get to the root of it because you are most likely seeing the wrong elements and misinterpreting the person and situation. It is well worth it, as it can be changed so that you can be in the wonderful state that is love, and you will both be much happier. Once that inner obstruction has been uprooted, you will be given the ability to love someone back – the way it should be given: from a whole place, where you can give of all of yourself.

Love needs to be healthy, and if it is not, it’s not love. It’s selfishness and fear collaborating to cause you to cling, despite what is painful, hurtful and numb. Sometimes we choose mates based on this pain and together we can better heal. A couple that is ready for personal growth will grow into a truly loving place, together. They use the stability and vision of the other to grow toward a place that is stronger than they could have alone, untangling the shallow roots that grew around the rocks and rubble of a shaky foundation. When that happens, they will be better to one another because they will be stronger in themselves: so big in heart and free in soul that they will shoot higher and higher, side by side – but still strong, apart. When you reach that place of wholeness, the stress and fear goes away because you are not using this other person to fill something incomplete. Truly loving another means wanting their happiness regardless of how that might affect you. And it means being happy in yourself, outside of them.

Love is the most powerful knowledge to gain in the entirety of life. It can give you the key to a wonderful existence that you could never access without it. Pursue it bravely and honestly. Take good care of yourself and covet your heart’s value. Know that you will be okay if something causes you pain. Have hope and optimism and let the rest go. And as soon as you are ready, you will find who you’ve been looking for. To truly love another person, you must first love yourself so that you can give of yourself with unfettered access. Without this personal knowledge you won’t be able to truly see others – most importantly, the one you love.

We will miss you Daddy! :(

 Last September 1, my Lolo na nakasanayan na naming tawaging "Daddy" passed away. After how many months of being bed-ridden, sumuko na sya. This has been one of the most difficult experience na pinagdadaanan ng isang pamilya. Loss of a family member. I can say I am a "grandpa's girl". I grew up with him teaching me good values about life. Isa sa mga bagay na tinuro sa akin ni Daddy is how to be religious. Bata pa lang ako I was trained to be a good follower of God. Parati nila akong kasama sa mga prayer meetings nila at dahil dyan naging member din ako ng isang Legion. Kung hindi naman dahil kay Daddy hindi ko malalaman lahat ng bagay na ito. We had a religious family and very active sa mga church gatherings. Daddy is an intelligent man as well. Naniniwala na ako na nung panahon nila Daddy, studying was taken seriously kasi naman iba yung level ng thinking nya and very good in decision-making. Super sinop pa that is why if you'll visit our house in Hagonoy you will see yung mga diplomas and certificates ng mga tito and tita ko way back in elementary, high school and college. Na-preserve nya talaga yun. Dyan ako bilib sa kanya. He gave importance on those things na sobrang bihira na ngayon dahil sa bagong generation. When they transferred sa Agatha, mas naging malapit ako sa kanya. Last birthday ko, he even gave me a copy of my graduation picture nung college as a gift. Ako nga hindi ko napa-photocopy yun nakuntento nalang ako sa isang copy pero sya meron ng sa photo album meron pa yung sinabit nya sa wall dun sa bahay. Proud talaga sya sa achievements ng bawat isa mapa-apo or anak pa nya. Pag may away or misunderstanding ang pamilya, he bridged the gap between each families. We may not be a perfect family but he taught us to embrace the imperfections and learn how to love each other. I've got so many good memories of him. Nung high school ako parati ako pumupunta sa kanya para magpatulong sa mga assignments ko especially sa English. Gigising sya ng maaga to make sure na before ako umalis nagawa na nya. Ganyan sya katiyaga. Bibigyan ka pa nya ng references and I remember ginawa pa nya ako ng book na maliit wherein he compiled all the articles and details na pwede kong magamit in my college days. Nung college din pati sa Calculus nagpapaturo ako sa kanya. Alam kong mahirap yun pero he still tried his best. Malay ko ba if may Calculus na nung time nila. Kahit hirap syang i-solve yung problems na puro x and y pero pinilit pa din nya. Plus ang ganda nya magsulat na kelan man hindi ko namana. Very organized pati yung signature nya mami-miss ko. Feeling ko nga nakuha ko yung signature nya kahit unti. Haha. Pag Christmas, hindi pwedeng hindi mo makita yung Christmas Tree nya na gawa sa yarn, project lang namin yung ganun nung elementary ako pero pinanindigan nyang maging Christmas Tree every December. Kahit kung anu-anu nalang ang sinasabit nya-dun. May carton ng Bear Brand at Nido, may balat ng kendi at kung anu-anu pa na galing sa recycled materials. Ikaw na Daddy ang creative. Hindi ko ulit namana yan, sayang. Yung bota pag baha mamimiss ko din yun kasi parati mong suot. Ilang apo mo na ang nakaabot dyan. Ginawa mo na nga minsang everyday part ng outfit mo Daddy kasi pag pupunta ka ng bayan yan pa din suot mo. Ayaw mo mawawala sa paningin mo. Hindi ko din namana yung ilong mo. No offense Mommy kasi alam kong medyo hawig tayo ng ilong pero mas okay sana kung yung kay Daddy ang nakuha ko kasi mas maganda at matangos sya pero keri na toh. Siguro pag umuwi kami sa Hagonoy mas madming memories ang maalala namin. Ang hira na ulit bumalik kasi dun kasi every corner of the house maalala mo sya. Sa CR pag nakita mo sya maalala mo kasi ang bagal maligo. Sa sofa parati syang tulog na nakabaluktot pa at parating sarado ang bintana kahit sobrang init. Sa kusina, makikita mo yung mga sulatin nya at mga folders katabi ang lalagyan ng pandesal. Sa taas naman yung baul nya na hindi mo alam kung ano yung laman. Hindi man ako vocal sa kanya para sabihin kung gaano sya ka-importante pero his loss left a mark sa heart ko. Alam kong may kulang talaga. I am guilty din kasi nung mga days na maysakit sya medyo nawalan ako ng time kasi naging busy ako at mas pinili akong i-spend ang time ko sa work. Nakalimutan ko na andyan pa pala sya. Tama nga sila, nasa huli ang pagsisisi. Nung maysakit sya dun pa ako nag-effort na makita at maipakitang mahalaga sya. I made such terrible mistake. A day before he passed away, we had a short conversation. I even massaged his left arm and nag-uusap pa kami. From that day, I know pinipilit nalang nya. And alam akong ayaw pa nyang mag-let go. He's still fighting for his family. Everyday na lumilipas mas nagiging worst ang kalagayan nya pero ayaw nyang aminin na nahihirapan na sya. Up to the end, hindi nya pinaramdam sa amin na pagod na sya. Every time na tatanungin mo sya parati nyang sasabihin "okay lang ako" at pag tatanungin mo kung ano ang masakit ang sagot nya "wala". Kapag nagkakasayahan kami kahit hindi na nya kayang ipalakpak ang kamay nya pipilitin pa din nya. A very strong brave man. Parating positive ang response. Hanggang huli lumalaban. I can say I'm one of the person na ayaw syang i-let go, selfish man isipin pero gusto ko makasama pa sya ng matagal kahit hanggang Christmas kaso everything has an end. At eto na yun. Nagpapasalamat ako kay GOD for giving Daddy to us sa loob ng mahabang panahon. Parang kulang pa pero madami na syang nagawa at napatunayan sa loob ng 88 years, Naging makabuluhan ang buhay nya at marami na syang natulungan at napasayang tao. Tapos na ang misyon nya. Alam ko masaya na sya kasi He's with our Creator na. Pero kahit ganun pa man I know he's watching us. Thank you GOD for giving Daddy to us.

BHKCNCM

Ilang weeks or months din akong hindi nag-update ng blog. I tried naman kaso after kong simulan hindi ko na matuloy, I guess it goes with my mood or may pinagdadaanan lang ako that time. Been a tough week. Work problems, usapang puso and pati sa family. Sabi nga ni Ramon Bautista, lahat tayo may "main world" at pag nagunaw ang isa dun, damay lahat. Yun ang na-feel ko this past few weeks. Pero hindi na sya katulad ng last time na kahit pagngiti hindi ko magawa. Medyo stressed out lang naman at kailangang mag-isip. Today, I wanna feel so relax. So I watched Kim Chiu and Xian's movie entitled. "Bakit Hindi Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo?". Ang weird ng title noh? Akala mo ganun lang kababaw yung story kung magbe-base ka lang sa title pero once mapanuod mo na, super dami mong matututuhan sa lahat ng aspects ng love. Realizations, yan ang naidulot sa akin ng movie. Matinding realization. Sa movie na ito malaki ang naging transformation ni Sandy (character ni Kim Chiu). Para sa akin hindi naman sya pangit dito, hindi lang sya marunong mag-ayos. Bukod sa medyo wasak na itsura nya, wasak pa ang puso nya. Kawawa di ba? Pero syempre sa huli, natuto sya at naging strong ang puso nya. Si Alex naman (character ni Xian), wasak din ang puso pero natuto pang mag-paasa. Garbe di ba? Yun lang sa huli, naging baligtad ang lahat. Kasi makakahanap talaga tayo ng makakatapat sa lahat ng bagay na ginagawa natin lalo na pag mali. Ang daming lines dito na sapul ako. Sobra. Isang sa mga lines na gusto ko, "Kayong mga lalaki, masaya na ba kayo na paasa, papogi, pa-yummy, syempre ako babae, pa-victim." Nakaka-relate ako dito kasi I experienced this already. Syempre tao lang minsan hindi mo maiiwasan ma-fall sa isang tao. Pero dumadating yung point na alam na nya na may gusto ka pero paasa pa sya. Ba't hindi nalang sya magbigay ng sign kung ayaw ka nya para tapos ang usapan. Minsan kasi pag narinig mo sa isang tao na ayaw ka nya, mas okay na yun kesa naman tanggap lang sya ng tanggap sa pinapakita mo. Hindi mo alam kung susuklian ka ba or hindi. Nakakapraning kaya. Lalo na pag gwapo, syempre mas malaki ang percentage na pa-dedma lang sila. Sana wag naman insensitive. Yun. Minsan kasi pag alam nyong gusto kayo ng girl mas inaabuso nyo. At kaming mga babae, tanga-tangahan din, eh wala naman kaming magagawa kasi gusto namin kayo. Hai. Another line na gusto ko, ang "4R: ng pag-ibig. Akala ko nung una yung "reverse bittering" will be effective sa part ko. Hindi pala. Weak pa kai ang puso ko. Ang "reverse bittering" kasi is yung iisip ka ng mga pangit na bagay na ikakainis at ikawawala ng feelings mo sa taong yun. In my case, kahit isipin ko yun, the next babalik na naman ako sa normal. I hate it when I feel that. So frustrating. Kaya naman siguro yung isang "R" ang effective sa akin. Yung "rebound". Sabi nga sa movie, medyo risky ito pero effective din at the same time. Kaso ang tanung pano ko gagawin ito? Syempre pag nag-rebound ka, mada-divert yung feelings mo sa iba para makalimot. Ang tanong ready na ba ako? Pwede ko ding i-try wala naman kasing mawawala. Sobrang love ko ang movie na ito kasi relate na relate talaga ako sa bawat eksena. Lahat ng napanuod ko dito, totoo. Lahat ng lines dito, totoo din. Bonus na syempre na si Xian ang gumanap kasi super crush ko din sya. The story is so captivating. Naku twice ko na pala ito pinanuod. Today at three weeks ago kasama yung friend ko and kahit kakatapos ko lang sya panuorin now, hindi nagbago ang impression ko sa movie. Very romantic and super kilig. :)

Smile:)

Today, I caught myself smiling for some reason. Say I'm crazy but I've been like this for the past few days. Drama mode is really done. Though there were imperfect moments that requires me to frown, I still have this smile in my face. Last time I experienced it was during the time I've met Matteo and we spent one whole day together in Dare Duo. That was two years ago. Ang tagal na. And then came this moment again wherein you don't care about who sees you, nakaupo ka lang then suddenly mare-realize mo nakangiti ka na. I know it's kinda weird pero sabi nila pag napapangiti ka ng ganyan, it really comes from the heart. Syempre hindi naman ako ngingiti lang na walang dahilan. Meron yan. But of course, I won't go any further on the reason. We all have our own reason why we can't erase the smile in our faces. Ang happy ng feeling. Nasa fx nga ako kahapon and I was listening to Haley Reinhart's song entitled "Undone" which is a sad song but I'm smiling. See, kahit anung negativity doesn't affect me either. I just don't want this smile to end. I wanna have it forever kasi ang sarap talaga sa pakiramdam. Kung anu man o sino man yung reason behind this smile, I am praying na andyan lang sya. I've been doomed for the last three weeks because of a lot of changes pero I can't afford na ipagpalit yung nararamdaman ko now. It was so real. It was like there's this particular scene in your mind that even you play it over and over again you'll never get tired of it. This may end pero wag muna ngayon. I'm loving every angle of it. I never had this real smile for so long and I really miss it. Minsan mukha ka ng tanga pero naka-smile ka pa din. And pag mag-isa ka nalang, ayun mas nafi-feel mo na ngumiti sabay lagay ng kamay sa baba. Oh no! Smile fever:)

Bacio

I never had my first kiss since yesterday.  It happened when I least expect it.  Well, I still remember it up to now. In fact, I can’t get it out of my head.  Even I close my eyes; it’s still the same scene I’m seeing. Maybe, I’m still not over it. Maybe it’s too special. Maybe it’s the other half who kissed me. I really don’t know. We were in a bar along Malate on a Friday night. I was on a vacation leave. I’m with my two officemates. Yeah, I’m with the guys. That was common to me because I normally hang out with boys. I thought this day will be just like the other. We had our own table and we are seating on the left side corner of the bar. The music was not too loud so we can hear each other.  There were group of geek nerdy guys next to us and on the last table they were all gays. We even had a toast with them. I can’t say I’m really drunk this time cause I still know what I’m doing but my body is no longer cooperating. I feel so tired and weak. My mind still at ease but because of too much alcohol my body refused to act normally. That was our last stop. My friends even danced but I remained sitting playing with my Blackberry playbook.  The usual boring version of myself. Then we started drinking, laughing and talking. I don’t know what comes in my mind that I dare one of my friends to get all the numbers of the gays seated near the entrance door. I thought he’ll not do it cause he’ll be shy or he don’t want to be humiliated.  He stood up holding the S4 and when he went back he got all the numbers. I thought he forgot that he’s also about to dare me but he didn’t. He went back ahead of saying that I need to kiss ___. I made it clear that if he’ll be asking me to do the dare just between the three of us. He considered my request. I thought he’ll just be asking me to dance with one of them or just bottoms up. Never see that one coming that he’ll ask me and my other guy friend to kiss in front of him. I contest. I refused cause I thought that’s too much. He also contest saying that what he did was very crazy. One contact number will be fine but getting all their numbers especially that he’s straight is a bit off already. He was just being sport. I started thinking while he’s teasing me. I always had this principle that “I always mean what I say.” I was the one started the dare then backing out after I learned what he’s dare it is such a shame. I realized I really need to do it.  But before we kiss, I drank one glass of Red Horse, they say it’ll give you more confidence and courage. The one I about to have a kiss with was seating beside me. Then after that we faced each other. I was very nervous. It took how many minutes before I decided to kiss him. Well, we kissed. Just a peck of kiss. Ten seconds of kissing. Just our lips kissed together. It’s like our lips were tucked. It’s like the longer version of smack.  No tongues involved for I swear I’m gonna die. Our eyes were both closed. I felt weird that time that when you kiss why you need to close your eyes, to savor the moment? While were kissing, my heart pumped very fast. I really can’t explain the feeling. After ten seconds, we opened our eyes. We just smiled at each other and acted like nothing happens. We decided to go home and rode a taxi. Well, there’s some sort of confession happened inside the taxi. We talked about the dare. The guy I had a kiss with was telling to my friend that he did not expect it either. He was blaming my friend. I was confused why. I asked him. He cried. Now I get it. He had so much respect in me that he never thought he’ll agree doing it. It’s like blaming himself because he knows I just had no choice that time and he still go over it. I told him that it’s okay with me. After all, it’s my fault. He blamed my other friend for coming up with such scheme. He looks pitiful that time. He said sorry. He was apologetic . I explained to him that no one should be blame about it because I did it as well. It was done already. He mentioned that he knew me well that I will not really do it if he just don’t agree or make the move as well. That time, I don’t know what to think. If I should be proud that a guy like him still sees so much value and respect to me that I’m different with the other girls out there or I disappointed him. Seeing him cry, I felt like I wanna collapsed. That time also, I realized he was different from the rest. He maybe flirting with other girls just because it’s the girl doing the flirting and he was a guy. Hard to resist the temptation. But in our case that time, I knew that no matter how drunk I am and I speak some crazy words he’ll never take advantage of the situation. Just because of that dare the two of us was so confused that time. I said sorry and he always mentioned that there’s nothing to feel sorry for. I just hugged him and said that it’s my choice as well. I don’t have any regrets. I even told him you don’t wanna see me kissing other guys I barely knew so it’s good I did it with you. Honestly, that night was very important to me. Leaving the drama, I don’t know what came in my mind why I did it cause there were two things I’m protecting about myself. That was not be kiss without reason and preserving my virginity. It was really a big deal for me. Super big deal cause I want it to be special. And I’m a real conservative as well. After we kissed, I realized that he was my first kiss ever. Awkward to say-but that’s the truth. At age of 27, I got my first kiss on the lips. I just had my first kiss with him. I don’t know but I never had any little feeling of regret. Maybe it really is special that we just don’t see it that way. Whatever! And because I was so talkative already cause I’m drunk I even mentioned to him that he was my first kiss. I think that added more guilt on his part. I don’t know again, I don’t want to assume. Am I getting too paranoid? Cause I wanna know his stand about this. Nothing’s going on with us, were just friends okay. I know everything will be back to normal. After we rest and had a sleep, it’s seems like nothing really happened. We talked about everything happened that night except that part-leaving it to ourselves. I know the three of us wanted to talk about it but we made a promise that night. We respect each other so its better be left unsaid. I know at the back of our mind we all remember it but we just can’t say it especially with everyone. I don’t know if this will change everything. I hope it’s not cause if there’s one person to be blame, it’s really me. 

My Own Version of Hang-Over!

Last Friday, I was on a vacation leave. At first we decided to apply, look for a new job. I'm with Poy, Rogan and Paul that time. I left the house at 8am and arrived at the office around 930am. I got hired but I'm not that happy cause we made a promise that my friends and I should be working in one company when we resign. That's kinda hard but I know it's impossible. We spent the whole day with only one company. Not a waste cause that's how our life gonna look like when you need to find a new job. One company equals one whole day. Then were done around 5pm. Poy needs to go to the office because he needs to go to work. We strolled around Megamall first, take a sip of Zagu and decided to go to Baywalk. The travel is so tiring. I hate riding the MRT wherein you need to push yourself hard just to get inside. It's like working out. We arrived at the Baywalk past 7pm. We ate at Shakey's cause I've been craving for pizza that day. Then the walk started. We had a long walk last Friday finding a good place. Here's where the Hang-Over started, at least this was what I remember:

1. We walked for more than an hour finding a karaoke bar and have a few drinks. We are in a "tipid" mode so medyo nahirapan. There were lights all over the place and we knew naman what it means. We saw this place wherein there's no karaoke pero there were loads of foreigners playing billiards. The place is calm so we decided chill muna kami on our first shot. We ordered one bucket and had a good talk. I drank two bottles of Red Horse that time. I got a bit tipsy pero nawalan din agad. We had conversations we rarely talk about when we a re in a group. Sa bagay, were adult na naman.

2. Whenever we crossed the streets, parating may 7-Eleven or Mini Stop sa bawat gilid. We don't have pictures kasi lowbat na yung S4. When we charged it, 3 minutes lang yung nadagdag so nonsense din. So we made a promise na everything na gagawin namin for that night we'll just be filmed in our mind.

3. Our second stop, at the Myst. It was like the Metrowalk version ng baywalk kaso most of the partygoers were students. We went inside this bar na may loud music, spotlights, bouncers and teenagers. Feeling namin kami lang yung matanda dun. Pero dedma, we started dancing. Well. hindi talaga dance yung parang going with the music lang and then another bucket of Red Horse. Hindi namin namalayan ang bilis naming uminom. Party kung party talaga ang peg dito. Muntik pa nga akong makaaway kasi in front of our table, a gay approached me asking if "anu daw ba problema ko?". I don't know ba't nya nasabi yun pero kalma lang ako.  Then enjoy ulit.

4. Medyo tipsy na ko after naming pumunta sa The Myst. We had a walk ulit finding our third destination kaso wala kamio makita so we go back sa Myst kaso pasara na sila. We went inside dun sa katabi lang. I forgot the name. See, nagsisimula na ko ditong mabaliw. Another bucket of Red Horse ulit. Medyo chill lang ang ambiance ng place na toh. For drinking and having good conversation lang talaga. May music pero not that loud. Then may dancer din na kamukha ni Haley ng Paramore. Rogan and Paul danced with her. Then nagkaroon ng fight sa labas. Everyone got curios so we checked it out. May nag-tear gas pa nga so we all coughed.

5. Nakaka-isang bottle palang ako sa 3rd bar na pinuntahn namin parang hilo na ako. My mind's still working but my body parang refused to cooperate na. Nagkwentuhan lang kami. We also had a chat with the guys from the next table and had a toast as well. Then out of the blue, I dared Paul na if makukuha nya yung number nung mga "gay" on the third table, he can ask me to do a dare as well. Pero sabi ko I don't want the dare to be outside the group. I thought hindi nya gagawin pero nakuha nya yung contacts.

6. We made some dares that better be left unspoken. I was shocked din sa mga ginawa ko. Lumabas yung other version of me pag nalalasing ako. Ang weird nga eh tapos nakakahiya.

7. Inside the taxi, may dramahan moment, emo kaming tatlo. I felt so dizzy na kailangan mag-drive thru cause I need to pee. Hindi na ko makatayo ang Rogan accompanied me hanggang labas ng CR and waited for me as well.  Basag ako sa taxi. Nakasandal kay Rogan at kung anu-anu ang sinasabi. 

8. Pagdating sa bahay nila Rogan, inaalalayan pa din nya ko hanggang sa kwarto. Wala knocked out na talaga. Pag-gising ko andun na sila Poy at Pacete, hindi ko namalayan na dumating na pala sila. Nung nahimasmasan, we talked about everything happened that night. 

Medyo mild pa ang version ng hang-over ko but then this was the very first time I got knocked out. Pagdating tulog agad ako. Pag-gising ko Rogan was sleeping din together with Poy and Pacete. We talked about everything that happened. Were just laughing. Weird. 

ATP

I am a product of ATP. In the call center business, it stands for"account transfer program". There were instances that the company will remove you from the account for certain reasons and they'll put you through ATP. I hated this word last Monday because one of my closest friend and my seatmate was given the request to go on ATP. The reason? Let me keep it private cause I respect my friend a lot and I owe him.

Sometimes we made choices in our life. Whether it has something to do with work, family or friends. Not because we did something unacceptable, we consider ourselves bad. Sometimes we tend to do it because everyone needs it. It is a must that time. But of course, we know that wrong choices always had consequences. Why I'm telling this? Because that's what happen to my friend. He did something not because he wanted to but because the team needs it. In fact, he's not being selfish that time. Yes, he was caught. He admitted it. He's aware of it. He learned his lesson. That not makes him a loser. Well, he's a person who knows the responsibility of his actions. Sometimes when you sacrifice something, you'll get the odd result or even the other side of it. I miss my friend already. Seeing the vacant seat beside me saddens me. The talks we normally had before the start of the shift and he's my lunch mate as well. We've been through a lot. I just hope he can come back. But I know, it's impossible. Well, were still in the same company. I'm sure we'll still see each other once in a while.  :(